This is a small, dimly lit venue, and I’m sure other tables nearby can see the glare of the phones lighting up. Yet we’ve never had the venue host stop by to give the same reminder. Not only is the filming distracting to our own experience, but we also feel highly embarrassed being associated with people who don’t respect the rules.
After we declined to join them at last week’s concert, they sent us several videos they took of the evening’s event so we could see what we missed. My wife and I both cringed. We don’t know what to say without feeling like we are shaming them.
Rather a tricky moral question: If your relatives are cheating, do you ignore it or turn them in?
Miss Manners prefers to avoid such a painful decision. She knows you have tried to tell them not to break the rules, so let’s try something stronger:
Go with them next time, and as you enter the theater, ask the host, within your in-laws’ hearing, if taking videos is allowed. (Never mind how often you’ve heard that announcement.) When the reply is “No,” you say to the host, in a much quieter voice, “They believe they can do it inconspicuously; you might want to see if you agree.”
Yes, the in-laws will squeal. But you can say, “I was only repeating what you have told me: that your filming doesn’t bother anyone.”
Dear Miss Manners: How do you apply gravy to your mashed potatoes, especially if you would like to contain it in a “lake”?
We discussed the idea of using the serving spoons, either from the potatoes or the gravy, to make an indentation — historically we have used the gravy spoon, and it is made in the perfect shape! — and also the idea of fussily using your own spoon to make the indentation amid the passing of the mashed potatoes and gravy.
What is the right way to do this? We hope the answer isn’t to just pour the gravy on the mashed potato mountain, as we like the gravy to stay in a unit with the potatoes!
You will have used your soup spoon by the time the potatoes arrive, so the only place-setting spoon that might be available would be your dessert spoon. And the residue of gravy would not enhance your creme brulee.
Miss Manners does not see how the usual argument about sanitation would apply to using the smaller gravy spoon on your untouched potatoes. So gently lower it onto the mound of potatoes to create a crater, and then turn it to unload. Any splashing and the game is up.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
