I suggested that they carefully consider whom they tell about their pregnancy until after the first trimester, when pregnancy loss is much less common, thus avoiding the problem of telling many people the bad news.
I also found advice I was given 15 years ago, when my wife died, very helpful.
The insight was that people who asked, “What can I do?” of a grieving person really are asking because they don’t know how to be helpful. My answer, at that difficult time, was: “Invite me to dinner.” I think it was win-win.
This helped me, and I think they were glad to do something that I appreciated. This woman who had miscarried had her answer: “Send me some flowers.” She should not have hesitated to ask this of her friends.
Dr. Kochenour: Thank you for your helpful wisdom. Regarding miscarriage — I agree that it is most judicious to wait to announce a pregnancy, but even when couples haven’t announced their pregnancy, they often still choose to disclose a miscarriage to their circle of friends and family.
Dear Amy: “Scammed” wrote about the increasingly popular scam of being contacted by a supposedly reputable company that asks you to purchase gift cards. You suggested that store clerks selling gift cards should be trained to be on the lookout.
I purchased several hundred dollars’ worth of gift cards at my local Giant grocery store, and the clerk did ask me if a third party had asked me to buy the cards. Out of curiosity, I asked if anyone has ever answered “yes” to that question, and he said that indeed they had stopped many people from falling prey to this scam. Store employees are certainly a great weapon against these scammers.
Customer: I am very happy to learn that store clerks are helping to educate customers on the danger of gift card scammers.
Dear Amy: Thank you for discussing the importance of funerals and memorial services. I was someone who never attended funerals — the person was already dead and wouldn’t notice, I reasoned. The value for the family never entered my mind.
And then my husband died. We have six children and our youngest was just 6 at the time. I can’t tell you what it meant when people came pouring into the church. Their presence said: “I’ve dropped everything to honor this man, and to be with you today.”
Now I drop everything to go to funerals of someone I knew, even casually. After all, surely everyone is important enough for us to take an hour to honor them, and to provide the family with matchless comfort.
Show Up: Unfortunately, experiences with grief and mourning are our greatest teachers.
Dear Amy: “Dilemma in Denver” asked if it was okay to take wine from a neighboring table in a restaurant after the other party had left. I experienced this once years ago.
Under a similar circumstance, one of my table mates helped herself to the wine left at a table next to us. She had poured us all a glass when those people returned from the salad bar. I wanted to crawl under the table!
Mortified: A reminder: You should drink no wine before it’s time.
© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
