Reddit users have sided with a young woman who told her grandmother to stop comparing her to her deceased aunt.
In a post on Reddit’s “Am I the A–hole” (AITA) subreddit — titled, “AITA for telling my grandmother stop trying to make me to be her dead daughter?” — a user asked people to weigh in on a recent exchange she had with her grandmother.
In the Oct. 5 post, user “RoyalMany3627” explained that her late aunt, at age 15, was killed in a car accident, before the user was born.
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“I was told when I was born, my grandma saw my hair (red) and begged my parents to name me after my aunt,” RoyalMany3627 said.
The young woman’s parents apparently agreed — which caused RoyalMany3627’s grandmother to favor her over her other cousins, causing resentment, the woman wrote.
A Reddit user asked others for guidance after she yelled at her grandmother for the constant comparisons to her late aunt. (iStock)
“I didn’t like her favoritism toward me and just wanted to be treated normal,” the young woman wrote.
“She would often say, ‘You have red hair like your aunt’ or ‘Your aunt used to like art’ (I’m not into art) and would encourage me to take it up,” she said.
When RoyalMany3627 refused to take up her late aunt’s hobbies, “it would upset” her grandmother.
“Stop trying to make me be your dead daughter.”
“I complained to my parents and they said I just bring her comfort,” said RoyalMany3627. “Whatever!”
On her recent 18th birthday, however, things changed.
She and her friends planned on taking a weekend road trip to celebrate her birthday.
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“My grandma disapproved and said my aunt would have done a party at home,” wrote RoyalMany3627.
“I finally lost it,” she added. She said she told her grandmother to “stop trying to make me be your dead daughter.”
“My grandma started crying and left the room,” said RoyalMany3627. “I immediately felt bad.”
A Reddit user snapped at her grandmother after the grandmother criticized the young woman’s 18th birthday plans — saying her late aunt would have done things differently. (iStock)
The rest of RoyalMany3627’s family yelled at her for upsetting her grandmother, she said. Only her father, she added, stuck up for her.
“My mother was upset with me, and like everyone else, demanded that I apologize to my grandma, but I refused,” the young woman said.
“My dad told me not to worry about it, and just go enjoy my road trip.”
While RoyalMany3627’s father said that the situation would likely be settled by the time she returned — it did not, she said.
“Everyone is still angry and my grandma hasn’t spoken to me,” she said.
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Fox News Digital reached out to RoyalMany3627 for an update.
A psychologist expressed to Fox News Digital that the situation is heartbreaking — and that it’s unfair for RoyalMany3627 to be compared constantly to her aunt.
“It’s a compliment to be named after someone special in your family, but it can lead to tough ramifications when you are always compared to the person,” said Dr. Michele Borba, an educational psychologist and parenting expert in Palm Springs, California.
“Maybe Grandma could use some counseling to help her deal with her unresolved grief and unfair projection.”
The fact that most of RoyalMany3627’s family members have not stood up for her throughout her life “caused those pent-up frustrations to build until that moment when they finally exploded,” said Borba.
Looking ahead, Borba suggested that RoyalMany3627 apologize to her grandmother, “in an honest and heartfelt way.”
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“I suggest taking a few days to write down key points on index cards that she’d like to say to her grandma,” she said.
“The apology needs to express how she feels — that while she’s honored to be named after her aunt, it’s been hard to try to live up to her aunt’s image,” said. Borba. “And at that point she can express why it’s been hard on her and why she wants to be accepted for who she is.”
Most Reddit users sympathized with the young woman, who for her entire life has been compared to her late aunt. (Getty Images/iStock)
“If the apology is accepted by the grandmother (which it should be), she could also express how much she’d like to repair the relationship with the extended family,” Borba told Fox News Digital.
On the AITA subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is “NTA” (“Not the A–hole”), “YTA” (“You’re the A–hole”), “NAH” (“No A–holes Here”) or “ESH” (“Everyone Sucks Here”).
Users can “upvote” responses they think are helpful and “downvote” ones that are not.
In the more than 1,000 responses to RoyalMany3627’s post, nearly all commenters sided with her — with most offering a degree of empathy for the clearly grieving grandmother.
“NTA. Do you like your name? You are 18. If you don’t like it, it may be time to get a name change,” said Reddit user “oaksandpines1776” in the top-upvoted comment.
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By favoring RoyalMany3627, the grandmother “has already damaged your relationships with cousins,” oaksandpines1776 noted.
“She really thinks you are a replacement daughter, especially since your whole life she has tried to get you to be exactly like her daughter,” the user added.
Other top commenters concurred.
“NTA. Totally,” said user “Curious-One4595” in another comment.
The young woman turned to Reddit for advice after she screamed at her grandmother. Most of the commenters on social media agreed with the woman. (iStock)
“[RoyalMany3627] is not her aunt, and she deserves to have her own identity and live her life her way,” said the user.
The grandmother should be the one to do the apologizing, said Curious-One4595 — and the rest of RoyalMany3627’s family should apologize as well, this person wrote.
“Forge a path. Your path.”
“Was [RoyalMany3637] a bit harsh? Yes. Did Grandma finally get the message? Yes,” said Curious-One4595.
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“Maybe Grandma could use some counseling to help her deal with her unresolved grief and unfair projection.”
Another commenter suggested that while RoyalMany3627 was “NTA,” she should go talk to her grandmother.
Most Reddit users who responded also were empathetic to how the grandmother is still grieving the loss of her daughter. (Getty Image)
“NTA. Could use a, ‘Grandma, I’m sorry for blowing up at you the way I did, but this is a conversation that has been a long time coming,'” said Reddit user “WeMapRPG.”
This same user suggested that RoyalMany3627 explain to her grandmother that she does not feel as if her grandmother loves her, but rather “some other person that I remind you of” — and that she desires to be viewed as her own person.
“You are not your grandmother’s support animal or comfort blanket.”
User “EssexCatWoman” also agreed that RoyalMany3627 was NTA in this situation, and that the family did the grandmother a disservice by not insisting she receive assistance in grieving.
“You are not your grandmother’s support animal or comfort blanket. You are you,” said EssexCatWoman.
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EssexCatWoman said it seems as if RoyalMany3627’s “family has gone down the path of least resistance for years” — and while this may have worked in the past, “you do not need to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.”
The commenter added, “Your parents, and all that enabled your grandmother to postpone her healing in this way, are the AHs.”
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She also wrote, “Forge a path. Your path. And in a roundabout way, whatever your grandmother’s recollections are, you will probably honor your aunt more, as I’m guessing like most people she would have done the same.”
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