A woman has described how her devastated dad took his own life after accidentally killing her mum with a tractor.
Theo Boyd, 51, received a call to about an accident at her parents’ farm and was told to rush and be with her dad, Joe, 78.
When she arrived, she was told her dad had accidentally run over her mum, Sue, 74, with an old farm tractor – crushing her instantly just six months before their 50th wedding anniversary.
Theo said she lost her “dad that day” too – June 29, 2019 – but never blamed him for the loss of her mum. For the next three years, she visited or called him every day before finding him dead on Father’s Day three years later.
Theo began to grieve both her parents, but now feels “grateful” to have been the one to find her dad “at peace”.
Theo, an author and former English teacher, from Dallas, Texas said: “They explained my dad had accidentally run over her with a farm tractor.
“His foot was on the clutch. He reached over and his left foot slipped off. He thought it was in neutral but many of the old tractors slip into gear.
“Mum was right in front of the tractor tyre. It just ran over her. Everything was crushed. I never blamed him – I knew how much he missed my momma. I saw him at peace. I feel honored to have been the first to see without pain.”
Theo got the call on June 29, 2019, and was told to come to the farm to be with her dad.
She believed something had happened to her dad, jumped in the car and texted her mum on the way.
She said: “I noticed my mum wasn’t texting me back. My mum was deaf – we text all the time so it was odd.”
Theo was told about the accident when she arrived and broke down. Her parents had been checking the battery on the tractor when the incident happened.
Theo said: “My dad was just screaming and upset. They were soulmates. It just completely killed my dad. I felt like I lost my dad on that day too.”
At the morgue, the funeral director showed Theo where the tractor had run over her mum and they spent 13 hours working on her.
She said: “It ran over her face, neck and shoulder. Everything was crushed. They spent 13 hours working on her – she was beautiful. So elegant.”
Theo and her sister saw their mum at peace but decided to have a closed casket for the funeral.
She spent the next three years seeing her dad every day and saw his mobility decline.
Theo said: “He just couldn’t see his own grief. He was cussing a lot. It was a miserable life for him.”
The day before Joe took his life, Theo said he was “aggravated” and “augmented”.
She said: “I’d never dreamed he’d do this. I went to find him that morning.
“I woke up and thought I have to go and see Daddy and surprise him. He looked like he had fallen. Then I noticed all the blood. I kept going in and out to call for help. I was in shock. I’m so thankful I’m the one that found him.”
Theo went straight into planning mode for the funeral but found she couldn’t stop crying.
She said: “I did not grieve my mum – I could not cry in front of my dad. I was crying and crying when Dad died.”
Theo said writing helped her grieve her parents and she has now written a book called ‘My Grief is Not Like Yours’ – which she hopes will help others dealing with the loss of loved ones.
She said: “Own the grief. It’s OK to feel sad. It’s so important for them to have someone who is trained in grief counseling to talk about it with.”
Theo remembers her parents by thinking of her childhood memories on the farm – such as learning to drive a tractor and eating her mother’s home-cooked food.
She said: “I had a wonderful mum and dad. I hope this book is a friend to people.”
US: If you or someone you know needs support now, call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
UK: For confidential support call the Samaritans in the UK on 116 123 or visit a local Samaritans branch.
