I’m told not to call people because it scares them — really? It scares them? They scare kind of easy, don’t they? — or because a call might catch them at a bad time. Well, then they don’t need to pick up.
How am I supposed to reach anyone? I might need the answer to a question. I might want to chat with a friend. I might be warning them that their house is on fire, and they hadn’t noticed because they’re too busy playing with — guess what? — their phone.
It’s time to spread the word that it’s NOT RUDE to use a phone to make phone calls.
There is a bit of a problem with that.
Long, long ago, before the advent of the cellular telephone, Miss Manners declared the telephone to be a rude instrument. It demands that you drop everything and attend to it immediately.
The introduction of the answering machine only partially solved this problem. People — maybe you? — were trying to declare it rude not to answer every ring, and therefore to force callers to leave messages. Some of them were known to yell “I know you’re there!” into the answering machine.
Miss Manners did not want to abolish the telephone, but merely to tame it so that it wouldn’t go around screaming at people who were minding their own business. The answering machine, which evolved into built-in message systems, was one way to do that. But although it was nonintrusive, it was not immediate. Not to mention that it inspired a lot of corny, time-wasting humor.
So an instant written messaging system strikes Miss Manners as useful. It does not preclude your telephoning those who you have reason to suspect will be happy to hear from you. And that includes anyone sitting obliviously in a burning house.
Dear Miss Manners: As the father of two girls, I am well trained to leave the toilet seat down every time in my house. At this point, it strikes me as impolite to do otherwise. In a public bathroom, the toilet seat is often up when I enter. What is my obligation here? I don’t really want to touch it, but don’t want to be rude to the next user.
Wait — aren’t you using the gentlemen’s public facilities? So the next person is unlikely to be one of your daughters, nor others of their persuasion.
Never mind. You have developed a good habit, and Miss Manners does not want to weaken it with exceptions. Nor does she expect you to expose your hands to other people’s waste.
But perhaps you might have noticed a roll of paper right there within easy reach? And that some of it might let you lower the seat without touching it?
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
