I would like to sign my name, but I also don’t want to creep him out. He is unattached, while I am in an unhappy marriage, which he would know nothing about. I am torn.
Why didn’t you just send him a New Year’s card? As you say, you wouldn’t want to suggest that this is about love or romance.
If you can’t fool naive Miss Manners, you may be sure that you will not fool the recipient. But as he is apparently a public figure of some sort, you may not be the first unhappy wife who has approached him. It was gracious of him to thank you the first time, but he does not seem to have suggested that you run away together.
So you are talking about fan mail. That seems harmless, although not flattering to your husband — if you care, or if he would.
Dear Miss Manners: Whenever I finish my meals at a restaurant or club, I always fold my used cloth napkin into a square or rectangle and place it neatly on the table. My dear wife (my manners and social behavior critic for many years) now informs me that this is in bad taste and is evidence of a low-class upbringing.
Of course, I value the considerable judgment my wife has rendered over the years, yet every time I think I have solved the issues emanating from my lesser birth, something like this pops up. What do you think?
If not for that crack about being low-class, Miss Manners would have sided with your wife. The state of manners is not related to the state of one’s finances. There are plenty of rude people up above, as we all know.
If anything, folding your napkin would suggest that your family used cloth napkins at dinner — not a given for a long time now. Napkin rings would have been issued, and you would have been expected to place your napkin in yours neatly. Folding the napkin might also indicate that your family did not have a laundress, so the napkins were used for several meals before washing, but that is hardly what one would call low-class.
However, when one is dining out, there is no question of whether the napkins are being reused. (At least, there should not be.) That is the reason not to attempt to make the napkins look as if they are fresh.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
