What really gets me, however, is their constant stream of emails: “I wasn’t feeling it, so I didn’t come to class today, sorry.” “I needed a mental health day so I skipped our discussion.” “I was too hung over, so I slept in this morning instead of coming to class.”
Finally there was this one: “I’ve been in a funk all weekend so I didn’t manage to do the assignment on time, but can I still turn it in?” This email is the subject of my second issue.
This student has known about this short assignment since the first day of class, 14 weeks ago, thanks to the syllabus. She was not doing well in class even before this incident. But when I complained about this email, some of my fellow instructors pushed back and said I should have offered her information about counseling services. (That information is also in the syllabus, and available through many other means around campus.)
I suggested that it was assuming too much on my part, and that a “funk” is not a serious condition — it sounds to me like a pity party being held by a freshman experiencing her first finals week.
Is it not fair for me to find these emails unusually casual and personal for the student/instructor dynamic? Is it really my responsibility to assume details about students’ lives and refer them to services they didn’t ask about and with which I am not familiar?
What I found rude was my colleagues’ pushing so hard against me. I’ve spent an entire semester with this student, and I’ve already made many accommodations for her, despite my displeasure at the excuse-making.
And what has that taught her?
Miss Manners understands that students may no longer recognize the power their professors have over them, partly because it is not always exercised. Other factors she sees contributing to this include faculty putting themselves on an equal level with students, such as dressing like them and asking to be called by their first names; universities thinking of students as customers who should be satisfied; and the general litigiousness of society.
Your concern should not be whether your students come to class but whether they master the material and fulfill the assignments. Unless they are exhibiting bizarre behavior that should be reported to mental health experts, the rest of their lives are not your business.
Apparently, your fellow instructors think otherwise, and sadly, you may not have the support of the university in grading students according to their achievements or failures to perform. In that case, the real losers would be the students, who not only miss out on the instruction you provide, but learn that whining works — and in the service of avoiding an education.
Dear Miss Manners: Can I wear boots in March when it is 30 degrees outside?
Unless you are tramping around indoors with wet boots, who is going to stop you? Certainly not Miss Manners, who is probably looking around for her own pair.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
