Their last visit was a little unusual because my sister was also coming for one night, just to sleep on the couch as she traveled to another state. She was not taking anyone’s bed; she arrived after the kids had already gone to sleep, and would be leaving before many people even woke up. No one’s time or space was being hijacked.
My in-laws have never met my sister, beyond her being my maid of honor at the wedding 10 years ago. When she arrived, I grabbed glasses of wine for everyone and we all sat outside on the back patio. My in-laws said their hellos, and soon my husband excused himself to finish the dishes. My father-in-law also promptly got up, followed him inside and got on his laptop, never to come back out.
My mother-in-law, upon finishing her glass of wine, then also went inside and never came back out. My husband came out after the dishes were done, talked with us for about 20 minutes and then went inside to check on his parents, but never came back out. My sister and I were left outside for over two hours by ourselves with half our guests ignoring another guest.
I’m not worried about my husband’s behavior. My sister doesn’t visit often, but they have a pleasant enough relationship. But I found my in-laws to be very rude — they didn’t even try to be pleasant or get to know my sister. They are usually very chatty people. Am I wrong?
There are likely many things at play here. Your in-laws clearly feel at home in your house and that they are free to come and go as they please. And they may have thought that they were giving you and your sister some time alone to catch up.
But Miss Manners agrees that they should have said that before rudely disappearing for the night. “Please excuse me, I’m tired” or “I have some work to do,” followed by “I’ll let you two have some time to yourselves,” would have been polite. At which point, your protests to stay could be met with gracious compliance — or at least a more convincing excuse than checking their stocks on the internet.
Dear Miss Manners: Our babysitter’s mother picks her up in the evening. I always keep cold drinks in the fridge for guests. When the sitter and her mother leave, they help themselves, taking five or six cans of soda. How can I let them know that one each is acceptable?
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
