What would you advise in this situation? We didn’t want to be rude to the performers, but we also didn’t want to waste our precious time enduring an awful concert.
Although people these days appear to think of themselves as the stars of their own shows — and therefore usually take the side of the artist over the audience — etiquette does not actually require a paying audience to be willingly bludgeoned until catatonic.
Miss Manners fails, however, to see your husband’s alternative as more polite. A discreet dash for the door at intermission would surely be less hurtful than watching from the stage as 40 percent of the audience zips up their coats and marches up the aisle.
Dear Miss Manners: I have twice invited my sister and brother-in-law, plus their two sons (ages 26 and 30), to our home, sending them each a separate invitation. Besides the fact that the sons are adults, I invited them separately because they live and work near our home, and I believed there was a chance they might have attended even if their parents could not.
On both occasions, my sister replied on behalf of all of them, saying they had other plans and could not attend. In the case of the first invitation, she sent the response minutes after receiving it, and my husband and I were surprised that she would have even had a chance to speak with her sons before responding on their behalf.
I have to admit that I am hurt that none of them are attending either event, and I am also a bit put off that my sister responds on behalf of her adult sons, both of whom are capable of making their own decisions. In both cases, I have simply accepted their regrets by telling my sister that we understand and would miss them.
Maybe it is none of my business, but should I follow up with either my sister or her sons to confirm that they are aware she has declined on their behalf?
When your nephews were 4 and 6, you presumably thought it good aunt-ing not to talk down to them — to treat them, in normal conversation, as if they had the maturity they believed they possessed.
Good familial relations demand an equal indulgence with your sister when she acts on the incorrect assumption that her boys are still that age. Which is not to say that you accept her misconception any more than you would have lent your car to the 6-year-old.
Next time, Miss Manners suggests that you issue the invitations to the sons first, and get answers before you invite your sister.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
