J.: Successfully transitioning into a new career doesn’t mean you can’t have friends; it just may require you to be more intentional about the time you spend with them.
If starting and building a new career is on top of your priority list right now, your friends should understand and support you in that. On the other hand, you have to be realistic about what you need from your life outside of work to be healthy and whole enough to pour your best self into your new career. If your friendships are a part of that equation, then you will have to get creative about carving out quality time with them while prioritizing critical work time.
You can (and should) build your community while you build your career. No one wants to end up at the “top” alone. So, let’s reframe this as an opportunity to optimize your life for high-impact friendships — friendships that over-index on quality vs. the quantity of time spent. Maybe you’re not texting or chatting throughout the week as much as you once did, but the time you are spending is intentional and adds significantly to the quality of both of your lives.
To ensure the time you’re spending is meaningful, you may want to set up monthly or quarterly check-ins with friends and family to schedule quality time around your work. Ask if they have anything significant coming up that should be on your radar and do your best to make time for what matters most by calendaring it like you would any other important meeting. You can propose an annual weekend trip that you plan at the top of the year and schedule, so you have something to look forward to while you grind. It’s also important to make it clear that you’re still there for them if they ever need you, because as much as you can lean into planned hangs, life is unpredictable and sometimes we all just need a friend on speed dial.
When lengthy hangs aren’t an option, look for ways to make your limited time together a win-win. Even a simple spontaneous text or quick FaceTime call to let your people know you’re thinking of them is a great way to maintain your connection from a distance without the commitment of a full social hour. When I was climbing the competitive ranks of the magazine world, I missed out on a lot of nights on the New York City social scene but found new ways to stay close with my friends. When I couldn’t leave work to run the streets with them, I would invite them to hang with me in my office (much to their chagrin — until they realized I had a beauty closet for them to raid!). We would order in and catch up while I organized or finished up on work. Or I would offer to pick them up from their night out after working late so we could catch up on a long drive home together.
Relationships are like banks. Except, instead of money, we make deposits and withdrawals of time and energy. It’s important to have balance between how much you’re taking and how often you’re showing up with an investment. The more equity you’ve built up in your relationship, the more likely it is to sustain itself and grow with less frequent deposits.
Even the best friendships ebb and flow over time as circumstances shift. Any adult friendship that can’t withstand some distance for the sake of advancing your goals probably isn’t a friendship that’s meant to last forever. But to ease the transition, you can start preparing your loved ones now for your busy season by letting them know what you’ll be focusing on, so they feel invested in your goals, too, and you can ask for a little grace upfront.
Taking a step back from the social scene is smart when your time can be more wisely invested toward your goals. But we all need human interaction, support and a sense of community. Just remember: Communication and transparency are key to maintaining a tight circle while you focus on chasing your career. You got this!
