When I got back to class, I started researching dress codes and realized how sexist they are. Dress codes only attack girls and sexualize what we wear. (Teachers break the dress code all the time, too, by the way.)
When I got dress-coded it made me feel as if I went to school in the morning to attract boys and for girls to think I’m hot or something. It makes kids feel ashamed of their bodies and skin, and it makes them get made fun of. To protest this, I want to write a letter to the principal.
I just want to know before I do: Am I in the right, or should I simply leave the dress code alone, because the dress code is doing what it should? I have never seen a boy get dress-coded for wearing “inappropriate clothing.”
Dress-Coded: Being called out like this by your teacher was tough for you. And I think your response is completely appropriate. Dress codes are designed for a very good reason. The overall intention from a group of adults is to design a way for children to be less distracted by their wardrobes, so they can focus on their education.
One good thing dress codes do is to help take the pressure off some kids who might not have the resources to dress in trendy styles. A dress code sets a basic standard for the entire school, and, yes, kids should understand and respect the standards their school has set.
Some schools mandate that students wear uniforms. This sidesteps the whole issue of putting school staff in the position of gazing at students and judging their wardrobe choices. You are correct that these kinds of rules are often enforced on girls more than boys, and sometimes kids who wear their hair in twists or braids (or other ways that are appropriate to their own race or culture) are also unfairly “coded.”
I really respect the fact that you transformed your embarrassment over this into action. Yes, I agree that you should write a letter to the principal, expressing your thoughts and bringing up the good points you raised. In my opinion, this is putting your education to very good use. Good for you.
Dear Amy: You published my question signed “Looking for Love.” My question seems to have generated a number of responses and considerable speculation about my situation.
Here goes: It is now 7 p.m., and I have just returned from the store. I went at the request of my wife, who asked that I get her some wine, a dessert and Benadryl. I don’t consume any of these things. What would be reasonable to expect in return?
A thank-you? Sure. I did get a thank-you. But is it not reasonable to expect something more than the kind of thank-you that a stranger might get for holding the door open?
Still Looking: Your sadness and frustration are evident. You should express all the same to your wife. I received some great and timeless advice once from a long-married friend to always remember to treat your spouse with the same enthusiasm and affection that you treat your most treasured friend. You are being starved of affection, and it hurts, deeply.
Dear Amy: “Betrayer” described how he had betrayed his wife multiple times. After about 10 years of successful recovery, he feels as if he is in jail because of her trust issues.
He said he only wants to have a day surfing at the beach. Your response was okay, but why did you not suggest that he invite his wife along?
Wondering: I thought that spending a day free from her surveillance in person (she could still track his location on an app) might help to build trust.
© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
