I am very close with my niece and would certainly attend her wedding if it were held pretty much anywhere in the country (we live on opposite coasts). When I express my concerns to my sister (my niece’s mom) about not wanting to attend such a faraway wedding, she simply says things like, “You have to go.”
I anticipate that my niece will similarly try to guilt me into going. Is it unreasonable for me to say no? If not, how do I say no without hurting her feelings? Or do you think I should go just to keep the peace, despite my discomfort with making such a trip?
Anxious: You have to take care of yourself. That’s your primary job. Now that you have raised this issue with your sister and have received her brusque response, you should deal with the bride directly.
I suggest that you write an affectionate and loving note to her. Tell her, “I’m so sorry to miss your wedding, but making the trip is simply too much for me right now. I know this will be a beautiful beginning to your marriage, and I look forward to seeing photos and hearing all about it in detail when you return.”
Dear Amy: “Strange Invite” was written by a woman whose friend invited her to an out-of-state baby shower for the friend’s daughter. The writer thought this was “strange” because she did not know the pregnant honoree. Thank you for your response that this prospective first-time grandmother probably wanted to “share her joy.”
“Strange” should honor her with a “Grandma gift.”
— Enthusiastic Grandmother
Enthusiastic: Although I think most grandparents already have everything they need — namely love and patience in abundance — I think this is a great idea!
© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
