My question is: How do I reconnect with my family now? They talk to me on Facebook, but when I ask for addresses or phone numbers, it’s crickets! I call my mom and she doesn’t pick up, so what should I do?
I thought I was doing the right thing by supporting my husband and going where he went, but apparently, they don’t feel that way. What do you think I should do?
Without: You don’t mention how long you’ve been away from your hometown, but I infer that you have not touched down for a quick visit in many years. Nor, it seems, did you ever invite or host any family members in any of the many places where you lived and traveled.
Inconsistencies in your brief account make me wonder whether what you really seek from me is permission and encouragement to go home again. You have both.
Before you embark on this journey, it would be helpful for you to imagine how it might have felt for your parents, siblings and extended family members to lose you so completely when you — still a teenager — left home and then chose to stay away. This is a profound loss.
They have missed you. Of course they have! And here’s what you’ve missed: birthdays, graduations, holiday celebrations and barbecues, births of children, joys, losses, challenges and cups of coffee at the kitchen table.
You claim to ask for addresses and phone numbers over social media. But you also say that you call your mother, so you do have at least one phone number.
If I know what large families in small towns are like (and I do), your folks and extended family are probably right where you left them — or very nearby.
Go home. Plan an open-ended stay (if you can). Spend time with anyone who will see you. Knock on your folks’ door. Track down your siblings and cousins.
You should prepare yourself for a mixed reception, but you should also do your best to maintain an open and understanding attitude. Meet people where they are and give them time to meet you. Listen with compassion, and if people are angry with you for leaving and staying away, do your best to explain without becoming defensive.
Dear Amy: My wife of over 20 years and I divorced a few years ago. We have one daughter in her early 20s. We hired an attorney to act as a mediator and resolved our differences amicably.
My extended family has stopped gathering together for Christmas. My ex-wife and I have discussed celebrating Christmas together with our daughter the week after Christmas.
I will spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the woman I have been dating for the past two years. Some people think it is odd for a divorced couple to celebrate Christmas together.
My feeling is that we will always be the parents of our daughter and that we are still a family. I think we should be commended, rather than criticized. What are your thoughts?
— Trying to do the “Right Thing”
Trying: Your mutual choice to pursue mediation to dissolve your marriage has probably contributed to your ability to enjoy a peaceful holiday celebration together. Sometimes, legal divorce battles cannot be avoided, but successful mediation often helps to preserve shreds of goodwill between couples.
Dear Amy: “Drowning in Art” had inherited an overwhelming number of paintings. I have worked as an artist and arts administrator for over 40 years.
People who have “extra” artworks in their lives — framed paintings or photos, sculptures, etc. — should consider donating them to a local senior (or recovery, disabled, etc.) residence, church, library, or similar nonprofit/social agency. The process for this would be to photograph all of the works, contact the agency to ask whether it would like to receive a gift of some donated artworks, and take it from there.
Adding or refreshing art in spaces can often uplift the lives of folks who use the spaces.
Joyce: Excellent idea. Thank you.
©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency
