Trump says presidents can mentally declassify things. Now we know Elvis is still alive!

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UFOs? Bigfoot? The moon landing?

Like most reasonable Americans who believe they’re receiving coded messages through their dental fillings, I have questions.

But thanks to former President Donald Trump, we now know the truth is out there. And it has probably been declassified.

In a Wednesday night interview with Fox News’ Sean Hannity – who I believe is actually Walter Cronkite, alive and well following extensive plastic surgery – Trump addressed the FBI investigation into boxes of classified documents removed from his home/golf club in Florida. He said none of the material was classified, because he had declassified it … in his mind.

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